On Saturday, July 22, 2017 @ 8:08 pm

STORY BEHIND THE SONG:
The day before my grandfather passed away in 2009, I spent that Sunday afternoon with him while he was recovering from illness. We talked about what it was like for me to be in college, and he tried to give me $20 for having straight A's every semester so far.

I rarely got to see him as I was going to school full-time in another state, but the exchange made me feel disappointed that he wanted to reward with me money.

I didn't understand why I felt that way at the time, but I told him to keep his money and give it to me when I graduate with a degree.

In the days that followed after his death, I learned that not only did he only have $20 in his wallet... that was the only money he had anywhere.

My grandfather departed this world with nothing, but spent so much of his money buying rounds at the bar or fulfilling the needs of other people... paying for the attention and affection of others.

In the years that followed his passing, I tried to emulate that part of his legacy that I thought was honoring him. For many years, I was the bank for a lot of friends, family, and strangers alike.

I still remember giving a coworker my entire paycheck on a minimum wage. I had only been working there for a couple of months, but I cashed out my entire check to help her make rent for her three kids.

I didn't need it, right?

I gave thousands of dollars to friends and family over the years. High school friends, colleagues, family members, friends of the family, distant family, and even strangers. I was always helping people who were in need, and honestly, are still in need today.

By 2017, it all caught up to me.

I had reconnected with a grade school friend. They were in a lot of need and really needed help getting by, paying rent, covering work uniforms, etc. I sent them more than $800 in just a matter of days before the reasons started to not make sense anymore.

Eventually, I tried to call them at their house phone number, and their mother answered the phone. She told me that they were no longer living with her, were under the influence of drugs, and was more than likely couch-surfing at someone's house - not actually paying rent.

In that moment, I realized I had contributed to the problem instead of actually helping... and more than likely made the situation worse for my friend. I stopped talking them, blocking their number and blocked them on social media.

That experience made me realize that I was not honoring my grandfather -- I was continuing his cycle of broken behaviors... and for what?

It took some time, but I started getting into the habit of telling people "No" when they asked for money. That quickly rooted out people who claimed to be my friend or care about me, to them vanishing like dust in the wind.

It became clear to me that a lot of the relationships I had with people were only there because of money... and I had surrounded myself by vultures.

INFLUENCES:
"Fancy" by Reba McEntire, 1990
"All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch, 2001
"Greedy" by Ariana Grande, 2016